walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
