new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
