You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
