Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
