May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Randomize
