he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
