I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Your cock deserves a montage
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
