i think i have herpe
just one?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
