I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
