He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
