Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize