nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
