All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
