I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
