yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
