he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You have to summon your inner elephant
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
