U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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