Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
