fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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