If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize