Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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