those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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