Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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