chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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