I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize
