Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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