there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
