Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
