I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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