I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
