So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
