I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Boobs are out for the taking
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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