I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
