btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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