I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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