Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize