My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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