The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
