Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
