We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
