even my farts smell like vagina
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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