Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
