we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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