if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize