WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
