See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
