Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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