First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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