Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
