I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
nutella sex= disaster
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
