Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
