I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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