Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
time to smoke my breakfast
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
