Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
