My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
