Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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