She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
