He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
