first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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