Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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