You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
