Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He felt like a one man threesome
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
