im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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