Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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