wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Randomize
