i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
