I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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